Thursday, 11 September 2014

For @waywardlou

'Laboratories for the study of genetic manipulation are no place for house pets'. 

This is a fact that should not even merit the briefest of mentions in a health and safety manual, and if it did, it should share a page with 'Do not throw Sulphuric Acid at each other', and 'When in doubt, consult your physician over glowing body parts'. However, Howard was typing the amended edition of the H&S booklet with the offending caveat because of his own stupidity so he couldn't complain.

He glanced over at Frederick, his cat, and shuddered at the thought of what could have happened. Frederick lazily curled up in his bed, falling asleep in seconds. Wishing he had the same alacrity for sleep, he went back to his typing. As well as amending the H&S documents he had to write a full report on the events of the past few days. It didn't show Howard in entirely the best of lights. 

'I was late for work on Thursday 11th April 2030, and as such did not have time to feed my cat. With hindsight, I would not have brought my household pet into work with me. Carrying him in a case labeled 'experimental stock' (breaking rule 12, para 3, ss 4 on correct labelling of equipment) I let him loose in my workstation, assuming he would be safe. I had stayed late the previous night and left modified canine claw samples in an open Petrie dish and serum 234X, (contravening rule 4 on safe workplace management) on the edge of my desk. While I was pouring cat food into Frederick's (my cat) dish I knocked the samples into his food. Before I could stop him he had eaten the resulting soup. The combination of the serum and the dog's toenails have caused a reaction in Frederick's gut. While the long term effects are not yet known, I now have a cat that barks rather than miaows'. 

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